“Hello, this is T.O.P, Choi Seung-hyun. It’s been a while since I’ve done an interview. After much careful consideration about the right timing, I gathered the courage to come out. I have felt quite apologetic during this time, and I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to share various stories.”
Choi Seung-hyun, an actor and former member of the group Big Bang, has broken his long silence and stepped back into the public eye. It has been a full 11 years.
Debuting in 2006 as a member of the idol group Big Bang, Choi Seung-hyun became one of South Korea's most prominent entertainers. He described his time as 'T.O.P' as a 'brilliant and glorious moment,' a time when he felt invincible. Although he reached the pinnacle of success that everyone dreams of, his fall from grace was swift after being caught for marijuana use while serving in the military in 2016. During his decline, the name T.O.P was more frequently seen in the news sections than in entertainment, and his comments hinting at retirement during a heated exchange with fans caused many to turn their backs on him.
Choi Seung-hyun's name began to resurface in entertainment news when it was announced that he would appear in Netflix's 'Squid Game 2.' Although he announced his return to acting as a character named Thanos, who participates in 'Squid Game' due to a failed coin investment, the public's gaze towards him remained cold. His sudden reversal of retirement after a series of controversies did not sit well, and his acting skills were not enough to overcome the risks of his past.
Faced with public distrust and ongoing acting controversies, Choi Seung-hyun chose to confront the situation head-on this time. Standing before reporters after a long absence, he displayed a stiff posture and heavy expression, with trembling lips and hands, and spoke each word slowly, holding his breath. Although he felt the pressure of sharp questions and gazes directed at him, he no longer avoided the controversies he faced after a long time and appeared to be honest in his responses.
He hinted at 'retirement' but stood before the public again. It seems there are many things you feel apologetic about.
I received excessive love. The brilliant and glorious moments of my 20s and the subsequent fall were a path I had never seen before. During that time, my mind was exhausted, and it was hard to make rational judgments. The fall I experienced due to my mistakes was entirely negative, and I felt a lot of self-hatred. As a result, I made many mistakes due to a lack of judgment. I regret and reflect on it a lot.
Didn’t you directly mention 'retirement'?
In 2020, I spoke in a live broadcast with a nuance that might have been misinterpreted. At that time, I was broken and had no strength to get back up, so there was a time when I really wanted to quit everything.
Negative reactions towards 'T.O.P' have continued for over 10 years. Did you not feel a sense of injustice or think, 'Is this something I cannot be forgiven for'?
Not at all. I do not feel even a bit of injustice. I received so much excessive love in my brilliant and glorious 20s, and thanks to that, I had glorious times, but I could not repay that love and caused disappointment and pain to many people. I think that’s why it is like this.
I'm curious about the reason for suddenly doing an interview after not participating in events related to 'Squid Game 2.' Is there a special reason?
The decision to be excluded from the promotional schedule was not mine, so I just followed everything. I requested this interview. I had a strong desire to apologize for the conversations I couldn’t share and for my past mistakes. I think there were many misunderstandings due to the lack of a communication channel. I felt that I could meet this time without any justification, so I gathered my courage.
It seems like there’s a somewhat excuse-like feeling in saying there was no communication channel. I think it’s more a matter of courage than justification. Is there a reason you gathered courage this time?
There’s really nothing else; I had a strong desire to apologize for what I’ve been through. I lost my 30s. Although I lost my 30s, I have become much stronger mentally. I wanted to show a healthy version of myself again.
At that time, you were recognized as an actor, winning awards at the Blue Dragon Film Awards and Baeksang Arts Awards. Don’t you feel regret that that time was lost due to the marijuana incident?
I don’t feel that my stopped time is regrettable at all. That was also a dark time I had to go through. What I felt in that shadow of darkness was that it became an opportunity to express a more grown-up version of myself. My goal is to show that I have become a good actor.
There were also comments suggesting you wanted to erase Big Bang.
I did not want to erase Big Bang. As someone who caused irreparable damage to the team, I hoped that the 'label of my mistakes' would not follow Big Bang. I still feel nothing but sorry towards the members of Big Bang. I think I will live with that feeling of regret for the rest of my life.
Do you keep in touch with the members of Big Bang?
I haven’t contacted them for a while because I feel unworthy. Once time passes and the pain of separation fades, I think I might reach out again. To be honest, I’m not in contact with them yet. Watching Big Bang perform so wonderfully on stage fills me with pride but also a sense of guilt. I truly only have supportive feelings for them.
Should we assume there’s no possibility of rejoining Big Bang?
The mistakes I made are too significant. As you know, I have been stagnant for 10 years. During that time, I thought a lot, but I feel unworthy. And it’s too late to go back now.
As you mentioned earlier, you have become mentally stronger. Was there a special trigger for that?
When I was broken and powerless, I became isolated from society and immersed myself in making music, going back and forth between home and my music studio. For 7-8 years, I created songs that I wanted to hear. When I was in front of instruments and the microphone in the studio, I felt a sense of relief. I also realized parts of my 'purpose of existence.' I think I have been revived a lot through making music. If it weren’t for that, I might still not have been able to stand up.
Wasn't your original profession as a singer? A person whose main job was a singer is returning as an actor, especially with 'Squid Game.'
I received an audition offer from the production company of 'Squid Game 2' and saw the synopsis for Thanos. It was a character that required me to confront my shameful past, so I thought a lot about it, and since it was a ridiculous character, I thought it could become a global meme. I had many concerns. The director saw potential in me, and we met and did several readings. During that time, the director asked to see me again. He asked me to send a video, which I did, and that’s how I was cast. For the past 10 years, there was no one who recognized or saw me. In that situation, the director reached out to me, and I thought it was my duty to repay that trust. I gathered my courage with gratitude, and I think I prepared as thoroughly as possible for the character.
The public's opinions on your acting have been quite divided. What would be your score for Choi Seung-hyun's acting in 'Squid Game 2'?
I can’t even imagine scoring my own acting. Thanos's rap was written in the script. The use itself was ridiculous and eccentric. The timing of the appearance was when he flirts with a girl he likes in the game, making it a quirky scene. Since he is a typical failed hip-hop loser, I thought it would be fun to make the rap simple, intuitive, and cringeworthy. I reduced the number of words from the rap in the script and made it into lyrics that are easy to follow. As an actor, I hoped it would become a funny meme. Some people dislike the cringeworthy parts, but that was also intentional for Thanos. If he were a cool rapper, he probably wouldn’t have participated in 'Squid Game.' Moreover, since he is a loser character who relies on drugs, I wanted to emphasize that with exaggerated gestures.
Thanos, who uses drugs, has similarities to your past with drug use.
The character Thanos is more hardcore than I am. When portraying similar aspects, I thought about my past mistakes and never tried to look cool. I didn’t want to appear handsome; I wanted to look ridiculous. Thanos was a character that was described in a cartoonish and exaggerated way in the script. The dialogue is intuitive and has a cartoonish quality. Since he is a clown-like character that lightens the tense and heavy atmosphere of 'Squid Game,' I aimed to raise the tension a lot. The director also wanted a high-energy performance that felt like being in another world.
When the casting news was first announced, there were rumors that you were cast due to your connections with Lee Byung-hun and Lee Jung-jae.
I have a personality that extremely dislikes causing trouble for others, so when I heard the 'connection casting suspicion,' I felt like I was causing trouble for a great work, which made me crumble. To be honest, I even thought about dropping out. In that situation, director Hwang Dong-hyuk instilled confidence in me, and I thought that fulfilling the director's trust was the way to repay him as an actor.
Thanos's death means you will completely exit 'Squid Game.' Do you feel any regret about that?
Not at all. Thanos's exit was timely. Since Thanos is a character who continues to abuse drugs, I thought it was right for him to die at that timing. He was too wild and foolish, so I thought it was only fitting for him to die.
'Squid Game' was a highly anticipated work that garnered attention not only in Korea but worldwide. You must have had some expectations about joining such a popular project.
There could be no other expectations. Rather, because it was 'Squid Game,' I felt more burdened and pressured. The pressure was greater than any positive thoughts.
It seems you could have returned with other works besides 'Squid Game.' Were there really no project proposals in between?
There were truly none. I did not receive any proposals during the past 10 years.
Regardless, you have returned as an actor. I would like to know your future activity plans.
I still don’t have the mental space to hope for any specific characters or works, whether as a musician or an actor. I want to become a more genuine person than I am now. That desire is the strongest.
I'm curious if you have received any proposals for your next project.
I have not received any proposals.
People still do not trust Choi Seung-hyun. The biggest concern is about drugs.
I am living more healthily than anyone else now. I am someone whose life was ruined by that (drugs). There will be no such incidents in the future.
I hope there will be no more controversies to face.
I want that more than anyone else. I want it more than anyone in the world.
[Kim Bit-na, MK Sports Reporter]
